inexplicable

A feeling of dull foreboding lies at the back of my mind the day before the wedding. I can't explain it to anyone, and I know it's just nerves, so I don't say anything. My mother has been busy with planning this whole month, even since we announced our engagement, which came as no surprise to anyone in the town. She flies from the stove top to the table, where she has laid all her plans, making dinner for my father and brother, while trying to finalize a guest list. I let her work without much involvement on my part, I have no talent for planning and she is enjoying herself. She only has one daughter and intends to make this perfect.

Trustar has left himself out of the planning as well. He is busy with his family and their farm. They are at the most important time in their harvest, and even the girls are helping every day. It will be done in time for the wedding and he says the long days keep his mind from worrying. But Trustar is not a worrier. He has a silent faith that we will be fine and I'm not sure where it comes from. He has always been calm and together, a trait I have never accomplished. I have always worried because to me there are so many things that could go wrong. Whenever I tell him this he laughs at me, not mockingly, but lovingly.

"Ammy, there are also so many things that could go right." He leans down to tie the strings on the bundle of hay he's pulling together, but I can see him smile. I am still not consoled. He doesn't miss my expression.

"Of course, I can't reasure you too much, what would you worry about then?" He throws the bundle into the pile I'm sitting in and it lands beside me. Dust is thrown up into the sunlight and swirls in patterns I can see. For a moment Trustar is lit in the glow of late afternoon sunlight that come in through the door and the little particles dance around him. His outline stands with his hands on his hips, surveying his work. He then turns to me.

"Let's go in and tell them we called the whole thing off."
I sigh. "My mother would have a heart attack."
He starts towards the barn door. "And I will laugh at the look on their faces."
I have not left the hay stack, still in thought over my worries. He turns at the door and looks back. I wonder what he's thinking when he holds out his hand for me to join him. My mood changes instantly. In moments like these I feel content and at peace because I know in my heart that he loves me as much as I love him, and I take on his certainty, because what could possibly happen to two people so much in love?